Yamcha Makes A Wish!
by Vegeta Goddess
Summary: Yamcha steals Vegeta's wish from the dragon and wishes that everything he says will come true... (re-written)
1. Yamcha Makes A Wish!

**_DISCLAIMER:  DBZ I do not own, own not do I DBZ._**

**A/N – This is the first humour fic I ever wrote…it is kind of Yamcha bashing though so try to keep an open mind. Hope you all like it!**

**~*~**

One fine day Vegeta was walking down the street; birds were chirping merrily, little furry mammals were scampering around his feet and Vegeta had just dumped Yamcha in a trashcan per Bulma's request.

"Life is good." Vegeta said to no one at all as he reached down and stroked a chipmunk on the chin. "Life is good, I love Bulma and soon will be marrying her…"

**~*~**

"Aaaaaaaaah! God! Nooooooooooo" With a start Vegeta sat straight up in bed, his heart pounding. "Oh, it was only a dream thank God."

"Wake up Veggie. You're getting married today!" Bulma poked her head around the door and smiled coyly at him. "You're marrying me!"

**~*~**

"Aaaaaaaaah! God! Nooooooooooo!" Vegeta sat straight up in bed again, to his left Bulma lay sleeping. "Thank goodness it was only another dream." Vegeta's eyes flicked around nervously. "Or was it? Maybe I'm still dreaming." Vegeta nudged Bulma awake. "Woman, tell me are we still having meaningless sex?"

Bulma looked sleepily up at him. "What? Of course we're still having meaningless sex…" Bulma slowly drifted back to sleep.

Vegeta got up with out waking Bulma, dressed in his usual armour and slipped out of the room, padding downstairs to the kitchen and the smell of food.

"Hi, Vegeta! Are you hungry? Would you like some breakfast?" Bulma mamma smiled at him and Vegeta nodded, keeping his distance from the ditzy blond as he took a seat at the dinner table.

"Yes I'm hungry and yes I want food, now hurry up woman." His gruff tone betrayed none of the softness he felt for Bulma's parents. 

_Why, Vegeta thought, __if Bulma's mother wasn't around to cook I'd be forced to eat what Bulma cooks! Vegeta restrained a shudder; Bulma didn't cook food so much as __burn food._

"Here you go then, you eat up now, training so hard all day! You must burn energy so easily." Bulma's mamma smiled at him before dancing off down a hallway. 

Vegeta began to eat and (when you consider that he'd just eaten two hundred pancakes and one hundred breakfast muffins in ten minutes flat) was finished easting surprisingly fast.

He stood up to find Bulma's mama and convince her to cook more food when the phone rang, it's shrill noise shattering the early morning silence that Vegeta cherished so much. 

Vegeta frowned to himself when no-one bothered to pick it up. Eventually the ear splitting ringing noise became too irritating to ignore and Vegeta reluctantly strode over and answered it. 

"What?" He barked out angrily into the phone, his ebony eyes sparking with annoyance as he recognised the caller's voice: Kakarot.

"Hey! Is that Vegeta? I bet it is! Hi Vegeta! How are you buddy?" Vegeta glowered at the phone as if his glare could somehow be transported to the moronic saiyan at the other end of the phone line.

"What do yo want?" Vegeta ignored Kakarot's happy-go-lucky tone and allowed his eyes to roam about the kitchen in search of more food. Vegeta's gaze landed on the spice rack and he absent mindedly wondered if he was desperate to eat the tarragon, thyme and rosemary that were sitting in it.

He decided not. 

He hadn't had a very good experience the last time he'd eaten something from the spice rack…that 'basil' just hadn't agreed with him.

"…Gohan and I have just managed to gather all the dragon balls again and since Dende made it so the dragon gives three wishes we wanted to know if you wanted to come with us to Kami's lookout and make a wish."

 "The Dragon balls!" Vegeta's eyes snapped away form the spice rack as he tuned back into the conversation. Vegeta swallowed and tried to hide his eagerness. "Well I guess since I missed out on Namek it's only fair to let me have a wish. I'll be there soon." Vegeta slammed down the phone and took off for Kami's tower.

Screw the spice rack and all its temptations…he had an appointment with destiny and a dragon to get to!

**~*~**

When he arrived Vegeta could see Goku and Gohan motioning excitedly towards a shiny new air car and a weird looking cat. 

The dragon just looked bored.

"Hey Vegeta! Glad you could make it!" Goku waved him down, bouncing around like an exited puppy. "Gohan and I have already made our wishes so whenever you're ready you can make yours too! Isn't this so exciting?" Goku smiled his idiot smile and his son, Gohan, smiled an almost identical idiot smile.

"Wait!" Vegeta's eyes narrowed suspiciously as he eyed the car and the cat…something didn't smell right. "What did you and the boy wish for?"

"Well I wished for a racing car." Goku patted the red sports air car.

"Yeah! And I wished for a pet cat that could sing." Gohan giggled and patted the harassed looking cat.

"You…what? A pet cat that can sing?" Vegeta glared at Gohan. "Imbecile." 

"But…but it's a crime fighting cat too." Gohan mumbled looking hurt.

Vegeta shook his head. "Well then Dragon, I wish for…I wish for…" Vegeta paused and thought carefully, he'd never get this chance again…or at least until another year had past.

Slowly an evil grin passed over his face. "Dragon, I wish for eternal…"

"Wait!" Yamcha jumped out of the bushes, toilet paper hanging out the back of his pants. "I wish for whatever I say to come to true!"

"It shall be done." The dragon boomed, a minute later a golden aura surrounded Yamcha and then faded.

"All right! I got a wish! I got a wish!" Yamcha began dancing all over the place.

"You absolute moron! That was my wish!" Vegeta roared, striding angrily over to Yamcha. "That was my wish and I demand you give it back!" Vegeta punched Yamcha in the nose and sent him crashing into one of the palm trees.

"No way! I stole it! It's my wish! You can go get fucked!" Yamcha yelled back, trying to stem his blood nose.

Vegeta paused then suddenly had an over whelming urge to get back to bed with Bulma and make sweet love to her. 

He abruptly turned and flew away.

"Where's he going?" Yamcha asked, standing up and walking over to Goku.

"Err…Yamcha you told him to go get fucked, and since everything you say comes true I would assume he's flying back to Bulma." Goku said gently as Gohan began to play with his talking crime-fighting cat (which still looked harassed.)

"What? Oh dude!  I didn't mean to get him laid." Yamcha kicked the ground, unaware of Goku and Gohan laughing at him because of the toilet paper stuck in his pants.

"Well I wish I was eating ice cream." Suddenly a bowl of ice-cream appeared in Yamcha hands, Yamcha began to eat it as fast as he could, when he was done he sighed with contentment. "Mmmm, that was some good iced cream."

"Hey Yamcha, do you want a ride home in my racing air car?" Goku patted the side of it. "Me and Gohan have got to get going cause Chichi's due back from her anger management class soon and we promised her we'd stay at home and keep the glass of water safe."

"What glass of water?"

"It's special water! Chichi told us to guard it because we're strong and smart!"

"Wow, sounds like some special water!" Yamcha looked at Goku and his air car and grinned. "I guess I'll take you up on that offer to drop me home…Although I could just wish myself home." Yamcha hopped in the front seat, Gohan got in the back and Goku got in the drivers seat and turned on the engine.

"Oh yeah, listen to that baby purr!" Goku flipped on the radio and they took off.

"Yahoo!" Yelled Yamcha as the car sped off. 

Goku flipped on the radio and it began to blast out Yamcha's favourite corporate song; 'the Oscamire Weiner' song. 

Yamcha, being the feeble minded simpleton he is, began to sing along. "Oh I wish I was an Oscamire wiener…" A puff of smoke enveloped Yamcha and when it cleared a wiener sat on the seat…not just any wiener mind you; but an Oscamire wiener!

"Oh oh, this ain't good." Goku looked down at the wiener. "Yamcha? Yamcha can you here me?"

The wiener said nothing.

"Speak to me Yamcha please!" Goku gave the wiener a nudge with his finger.

The wiener said nothing.

"Oh come on Yamcha…You must be able to here me! Speak! I command you!" Goku tried again.

The wiener said nothing.

"Oops." Goku muttered as the air car swerved and the Yamcha wiener bounced off the seat and onto the floor.

"I'll get him dad!" Gohan bent down and grabbed the Yamcha wiener. "It's all dusty, maybe I should spit on him to clean him off." Gohan spat on the Yamcha Wiener and rubbed the dust off. "There we go Yamcha, all clean." Gohan put the Yamcha wiener back in the front seat, only to have his singing, crime fighting and much harassed looking cat launch itself at the Yamcha wiener and start to knaw on him. Gohan grabbed the cat and pulled him away.

"Thanks son." Goku smiled at his son as he parked the car at the Brief's house, Goku knocked on the door which was answered by a tousled haired, half undressed and pipe smoking Vegeta. Through the opened door Goku could just see Bulma, who was wrapped in a towel and was slowly sipping some wine as she reclined on the couch.

"Umm, Vegeta. Yamcha had a slight accident." Goku dragged his eyes away from Bulma and held the wiener out. "I need you to take care of Yamcha."

"What are you babbling about? Why are you giving me a wiener, Kakarot? Do you want me to eat it?" Vegeta stared at the Yamcha wiener as if it would bite him.

"You don't understand Vegeta, this _is Yamcha. You know the wish he made?" Vegeta nodded and Goku continued speaking. "Well he began to sing this song and he sang the line 'oh I wish I were an Oscamire wiener' and then to cut a short story shorter he became an Oscamire wiener."_

Vegeta began to laugh; he laughed and laughed until tears came to his eyes. "Kak-a–rot! You couldn't have given me a better present!" Vegeta snatched up the Yamcha wiener and stared evilly at it.

"Ok Vegeta, Gohan and I have to get back…"

"Wait…why is it all knawed on?" Vegeta pointed to the tiny teeth marks.

"Oh, my cat decided to try to eat him." Gohan answered from the car.

"Yeah, his cat…heh…have to go Vegeta. I can't let Chichi know I left the glass of water unguarded!" Goku quickly turned away from the door as Bulma began to approach Vegeta, her towel sliding down. "Take care of Yamcha, and please don't eat him. I know you guys had your differences but…look at him now, he's helpless!"

"Kakarot if I choose to kill the wiener then it's my choice…"

"Please Vegeta! Just don't eat him." Goku gave the wiener one last stroke and left.

Bulma and Vegeta stared at the wiener. Vegeta put it down and walked back over to Bulma, they began to make out.

The wiener sat and stared.

Vegeta stoped and stared at it. "It's watching us; I swear to Kami it's watching us!"

"You're just being paranoid Vegeta. It has no eyes, it can't see us." Bulma pulled Vegeta's head down and began to kiss him again. Slowly Bulma opened an eye a crack and looked at Yamcha.

The wiener sat and stared.

"That's it! Get rid of Yamcha, Vegeta. Put him somewhere where I'll never see him." Bulma turned away from the Wiener then turned back for a last look.

The wiener sat and stared accusingly back at her.

"Trust me Bulma, I'll dispose of him." Vegeta got up and walked closer to the Yamcha wiener. It may have been his imagination but Vegeta thought the wiener twitched in fear. He grabbed it anyway and took it to the kitchen. He opened the _Freeza (heh heh) _door and put the wiener inside.

"That ought to get rid of the little wiener." Vegeta chuckled at his pun and walked back to Bulma.

**~*~**


	2. Yamcha Meets His End!

**_DISCLAIMER: I don't own DBZ!_**

**~*~**

Yamcha shivered…well he shivered as well as a wiener could shiver. As soon as Vegeta had closed the Freezer door, Yamcha had had the idea of seeing if he could summon his ki, and as it turned out he could. 

He'd also grown an eye but that was all he'd managed.

_*If only I could talk. I could wish myself into Vegeta and I might finally be able to get some action.* Yamcha shivered, his puny ki level not being enough to keep him very warm in the arctic environment._

_*If only I had enough ki to get out of here.* Yamcha managed to levitate himself and hurled himself against the freezer door with a ****__WHAP!_

**~*~**

**_WHAP!_**

"Vegeta what was that?" Bulma stopped kissing Vegeta and listened to the soft 'WHAP!' sounds coming from the kitchen. "Go see what that is!"

Vegeta grumbled and got off Bulma. "Fine woman, it's probably just dinner trying to escape…"

"Are you mocking my cooking?" Bulma's eyes blazed and Vegeta backed away.

"No…never!" He made his way to the kitchen where the 'WHAP'S' got louder, finally Vegeta realized that it was coming from the freezer!

"Surely it isn't Yamcha! He's a wiener now. He can't be move." Vegeta opened the freezer door and Yamcha, who had been in the process of charging the freezer door, again, fell with a 'plop' onto the floor. 

Vegeta jumped back with a shrill yell of fright and watched in fascination as the wiener levitated itself off the floor. It stopped and faced Vegeta, who to his horror noticed the wiener had grown an eye.

"What? Nooooooo! I don't believe it! It's impossible!" Vegeta stepped back as the wiener floated closer. "Yamcha is that you?" 

The wiener joggled an affirmative.

"Oh…wow!" Vegeta slapped at the wiener as it tried to come closer to him. "Argh! Get away from me! I don't want to catch anything from you!" Vegeta shot a tiny ki blast at the wiener, but Yamcha dodged it and then managed to glare its little eye at Vegeta.

"That's it Yamcha, its back in the freezer for you!" Vegeta lunged at the wiener as it flew away and started to head towards the living room. Moment's later Vegeta heard Bulma shriek and arrived in the living room in time to the Yamcha wiener throw itself at Bulma.

"Bulma!" Vegeta lunged at the wiener and battered it away. 

The single eye turned and glared again at Vegeta, then it retreated through the window, floating away faster then Vegeta could follow.

"Damn it! I lost it!" Vegeta cursed then went to comfort Bulma who was still shaking after the wiener attack.

**~*~**

Yamcha floated away as fast as his pathetic ki could carry him, which in his wiener form was quite fast.

_*I know! I'll find Goku! He'll help me!*_

Yamcha changed direction and flew towards the son house, unaware of the people below him pointing and staring at the site of an Oscamire wiener flying through the air.

_*Goku!* Yamcha floated down the house, in through a window and flew towards Goku who was sitting at the kitchen table staring mundanely at a glass of water._

_*Goku!* Yamcha thought again, wishing he could talk. Finally Yamcha decided to thump Goku in the back to get his attention._

Yamcha took a run up and threw himself at Goku.

"What the..? Yamcha?" Goku gently picked up the wiener and stared at it.

_*Yes Goku! It's me! It's Yamcha!* Yamcha attempted to tell Goku, his single eye pleading._

"Its ok, Yamcha. I'll take you inside and call Puar, she'll take you home. I knew it was a bad idea to leave you at Vegeta's…I guess in my hurry to get back to the glass of water I didn't think the idea through." Goku took Yamcha inside and put him on the kitchen bench, then called Puar.

"Puar? Yeah Yamcha had a slight…accident…no, no he's okay, can you come get him? Good, I'll explain what happened when you arrive." Goku talked for a while longer then hung up.

"Puar's coming Yamcha. Pray that he gets here on time…"

_*What do you mean Pray?* Yamcha asked from his mind,_

"…Pray that I don't get hungry!" Goku laughed and walked away.

Not an hour later Puar flew in. "Yamcha?"

Puar flew up the wiener. "Mmmm, a wiener! I'm hungry!"

_*Puar! Nooooooo!* Yamcha screamed in his mind as Puar took a bite out of him._

"Mmmm, nice wiener." Puar took a bigger bite and Yamcha screamed again.

_*Puar please don't! Puar…Nooooooo!* Yamcha shrieked like a little girl as Puar finished him off and liked his paws._

"Mmmm Finger licking good." 

**The End**

_(A/N – I in no way endorse people to eat other people – no cannibalism here!)_


End file.
